ready for a

harsh truth?
women
don’t need
your validation.
we
already have
our own.
-my self-worth shouldn’t feel like an act of bravery

-Amanda Lovelace

Happy Tuesday, loves! Ready for a deep conversation about confidence and validation? …neither am I, but here we go! 

I’ve always sought validation in everything I do. I am a people pleaser. My receiving love language is words of affirmation. Getting praise on papers, tests, piano recitals, theater performances, events, projects, tours – all of it made me feel so incredibly valued. I’m also pretty bad at taking constructive criticism (I’m working on it!). I take everything very personally –  even if it’s not an attack on me, even if it’s not my fault – I still fully bear the weight of blame.

I’ve always felt the same way about my body.

So what changed? 

Instead of seeking validation for my body, I’ve hid it. I’ve felt like my body couldn’t be valued, not compared to classmates or celebrities who were desired for their “perfect” body shape and size. Instead of opening up and showing off my body for the potential of praise, I kept it hidden away to save myself from criticism. I wore a lot of shapeless clothing and strayed away from wild patterns, reverting to jeans and baggy sweatshirts while I devoured hours of Project Runway, wishing to be as fashionable and beautiful as the models.

I slowly started realizing that I didn’t need validation from others. There was one person who was criticizing me the most, and one person who could flip that into validation: myself. 

I started actually buying fashionable clothing that I had been longing after, styles I didn’t think I could pull off – shorts, rompers, jumpsuits, CROP TOPS (!!!). I wear tank tops to the gym (a big step for me, as I’m still quite self-conscious of my arms). It hasn’t been easy, pals – I’m still my own worst critic, and I still perceive comments from others, intentional or not, as criticism. I still have bad body image days, where I’m not confident enough to wear certain styles. But I keep pushing myself, and you know what I’ve learned? Most of the time, people DON’T CARE. Some people will look at you and think: “Wow, I love that outfit!” or “Wow, she looks so confident!” but most people WILL NOT think or say “Wow, she’s way too fat for that.” I try to help myself remember that on a daily basis.

I can’t wait to jump into fall fashions and patterns and styles and continue building my confidence – thank you for your support, loves!