Ok, I’ll admit it: that title is a little dramatic. Even if a crop top didn’t directly save me, it helped to boost my confidence to live a fuller, better life.

My crop top journey actually started as a bikini journey. I hadn’t worn a two-piece bathing suit that showed any part of my stomach for years and years and years. I stuck to tankinis, anything that covered me as much as possible. I still avoided bathing suits whenever I could. There was just so much skin that I didn’t want to show, that I was ashamed of, that I needed to hide. As a fat girl growing up in the golden age of the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition, I never, ever believed I was pretty enough to don a skimpier swimsuit (or really, any swimsuit at all). My body confidence was low, but even lower at the beach.

I bought my very first bikini top in Florida, back in 2016. I was visiting my friend Hillary (a beauty who has always championed body positivity!) and found a top on sale in Target. I thought, if not now, when? I took the plunge and wore the top to Siesta Key, a beach you may know from the MTV show of the name and filled with lots of very attractive, very pretty people. Was I nervous? Hell yes I was nervous. But thinking back on that day, I’m so proud of myself. I felt empowered, strong, and beautiful. And you know what? Not a single person gave me a snide comment or remark – honestly, no one cared. Even if I got a side glance from someone, I wouldn’t have noticed because I was having too much fun living my best life.

I was inspired this year by so many beautiful bloggers and Instagrammers to look at purchasing my very first crop trop. I loved the emergence of the crop top trend, but I never thought I could pull it off. I always thought it was for other bodies, smaller bodies, and certainly not my body. But by divine providence (or possibly just my knack for finding online sales), I stumbled across the top pictured above from J.C. Penney, massively marked down and in a cute, peasant style. I ordered it, skeptical if it would fit or if the proportions would be weird or if I’d simply hate seeing myself in it. Spoiler alert, reader: I loved it. Just as the bikini top made me feel empowered, this crop top brought me a sense of freedom to wear whatever made me happy and comfortable. I decided the inaugural crop top day would be a trip to Chicago to see Jonathan Van Ness perform in his show, Road to Beijing. JVN has inspired me so much through his fashion and personal journey, and it felt like a fitting tribute to continue my own progress with him.

that little slice
imperfect
pale
layered in stretch marks
it used to symbolize
shame
now
it symbolizes
empowerment
-an ode to the crop top