Dear Pimples,
If you’re going to live on my face, I need to see some rent.

Let me start this blog by introducing myself. My name is Rachel. I’m 30 years old, and I have struggled with acne for over HALF of my life. Friends, I have tried it ALL. I’ve seen a dermatologist on and off since I was 16. I’ve used every combination of antibiotic, cream, gel, medicated face wash. Over the counter, prescription, homemade. I sit with teabags on my face, baking soda, cinnamon-honey masks – anything that might help. I drink water, water, water, all day long. I even went on Accutane, an intense medical treatment for acne. My skin was great for about 6 months post-Accutane but slowly, surely, the pimples came back. I’ve tried every makeup product out there, from concealer guaranteeing to hide the redness to 24-hour foundation. I often find myself looking around with envy at the women with (seemingly) perfect, smooth skin. I know it’s not healthy, to be jealous, to measure myself and my beauty against other women, but it’s hard when you see something you’ve wanted and struggled against for so long.

My acne is not unlike my size. It’s another thing, another feature of myself, that I’ve always been told isn’t beautiful. Models don’t show acne. TV and film stars don’t show acne. Society and the media tell us that it’s not supposed to be there, and if it has to be, it needs to be TOTALLY covered up. I’ve carried coverup in my purse for over 10 years, and find myself dabbing it on all throughout the day. I even used to wear it to the gym, where it would immediately sweat off. But I was so self-conscious, and coverup was my shield, my protection against judgement.
Just like size and weight, I’ve heard many preconceived notions about acne and where it comes from. I’ve heard people say that it means you’re not taking care of your skin well enough, it’s not clean, you’re not drinking enough water. Just like fat people often get blamed for their size (as if our size is wrong, which it is not), people with acne get blamed for not taking better care of themselves to prevent it. But acne has so many causes – hormonal changes, medication, GENETICS – things wildly out of our control. There is no place for blame in body shaming, acne shaming, or any other kind of shaming.

I’ve decided to try and embrace my acne. Instead of cringing at myself in photos where it’s visible, I’m viewing it as a part of me. It makes me no less beautiful. It does not cover my smile or my confidence. I won’t let it define each day, or take away my joy for life. Will I continue to wear makeup? Yes, because I like it. I love playing with makeup and watching the transformation on my skin. But my goal (and it’s a lofty one for me) is to no longer view makeup as my shield. My goal is to be fully comfortable in every aspect of my skin.